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How to Survive a Horror Movie

Jami Citko and Noor Raza

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We all love horror movies, but it gets so frustrating when the characters make decisions that don’t seem to make sense. If the audience was in that same movie we’d probably do a lot of things differently. To be completely honest, if we were ever in a horror movie, we’d probably survive. Here are some easy tips our beloved horror movie victims would benefit from following:

Don’t Pick Up the Phone
One of the most obvious mistakes of them all is picking up the phone. When the killer starts talking on the other end, telling the person receiving the call that they are about to die, the person who answered the call doesn’t go to the police but rather a) starts asking questions like “who is this” & “what do you want” or b) starts freaking out. Dude! They said they are going to kill you, what are you so confused about? Bottom line, if someone threatens you over the phone, call the police.

“Don’t follow the creepy noises…don’t go into the basement alone…don’t ask if someone is there” -junior Liz Morris
You know why most people die in horror movies? Because they don’t know how to use common sense. Don’t go for the sound. If you’re sitting upstairs and you hear a noise downstairs, don’t go looking for it. You’re not Sherlock Holmes. Don’t walk downstairs shouting something like “Dave is that you?” It’s not Dave. It’s a serial killer. If Dave were in your house, wouldn’t you know? Why would Dave be in your house in the first place? If you think someone is in your house, evacuate immediately and call the police.

Take the hint and stop being stupid—”Call the Police” -sophomore Katie thor Straten
People see the signs that they’re going to die, yet they choose to ignore them until it’s too late. They’ll see the window open that was closed before, or the book that has been sitting on the counter for a whole week is now magically on the sofa. Instead of acknowledging these hints, they fix whatever it is like nothing’s wrong. Stay aware of your surroundings! If something is wrong in your house, stay at a friend’s house for the night or call the police. You’re not invincible, so stop acting like it.

Be Smart About Your Decisions
So someone’s chasing you and what does your highness do? You run up the stairs where there is no easy way out when you could have just as easily run out the back door. You could have saved yourself, but you just had to run upstairs like there would be a magical door waiting to get you out of this mess. News flash: even if you’re in a hurry, it doesn’t take long to think to think of a simple solution.

Meeting Strangers while being chased is totally NOT normal 
You’re in the middle of the creepy and deserted woods after running from the ghost that possibly wants to possess you. You stop for a breath and along comes a random guy. This total stranger offers you a place to stay—don’t accept! Stanger danger still applies when you’re running for your life! What do you think this is, Instagram? Yeah maybe on Instagram you could post a picture with a person you just met and hashtag it #newfriends, but this is not Instagram! This is reality! Wake up and realize that you’re going to be #dead!

“Don’t Split Up” -freshman Ian Sterling
So you’re able to keep track of your friends at a crowded concert, but you want to split up while someone is out there to kill you all? How does that even make sense? If you’re with a group, don’t split up or go off on your own. Stay together. Defeating whatever monster you’re running from is much easier when you have a group to fight it with, and going solo will only increase your chances of being the next victim.

Avoid Ouija Boards
Even if you think they’re fake, if you have a sudden urge to play a Ouija board alone at night, don’t. Don’t play alone, and don’t take your hands off the board before dismissing the spirit. Just because it doesn’t seem real doesn’t mean you should play with your life.

“Keep Running” -freshman Umair Masood
If you trip and fall, get right back up again and keep running. One of the dumbest mistakes people can make is to sit there like a deer in headlights, as if contemplating whether getting up is even worth it. What is there to question? Get up and keep running! You might still have a chance!

Don’t Use the Bathroom
Yet another reminder to stay with the group. Even using the bathroom becomes a dangerous task when running from a menacing killer. If you absolutely have to go, go with a friend, but please take caution and be smart enough to know when to forget about your bladder, stop fixing your hair, and start running.

Stay in the Middle
Yeah, it seems selfish but who wouldn’t? Don’t enter a room first, and don’t enter a room last. Stay in the middle of the group and make sure you’re always with someone. Once again: stay with the group. And don’t be nice, either. You love your friends, but you need to put yourself first if you want to survive.

Don’t Stop to Help
Besties for life, except when the killer gets your best friend. If your friend goes missing out in the woods don’t bother looking for him/her; he/she is probably already dead and looking for him/her will only result in you either witnessing a dead body or ending up the same way. Ditching is the best option at this point—sorry, homie, but you’re on your own now.

Always Carry a Weapon and “Don’t Leave It Behind” -sophomore Robbie Gorey
Even if it’s just a stick or a rock, it’s better than nothing. Always be prepared to defend yourself, and make sure to choose a weapon that you can actually use. Guns are preferable, but long knives are handy, too. Treat this weapon like it’s your child. Keep it with you at all times, and never let it fall into the wrong hands.

Wear Proper Footwear
Stupidity is the key to dying. If you know someone is after you, and you still choose to wear high heels to your best friends party, there is no way you’re going to survive. Wearing sneakers will be so worth it when you don’t trip and fall to your death. Always make sure your laces are tied, too; tripping becomes increasingly easy when death is on the line.

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How to Survive a Horror Movie